a playful or mischievous creature......

ok, so i've made a new journal.

cohens_mama. add me :)

i found myself today looking at part time jobs on the internet. ben and i are surviving, but barely. and i hate feeling like we owe his parents so much.

however, the thought of leaving cohen (eleven weeks) with someone else breaks my heart. i want to cry just thinking about it, but i dont know how much longer ben and i will be ok financially.

but my questions are:

homecare (like barnardos) or daycare?
or working during the day or working at night?
and how long did it take you to get used to leaving your baby with someone else?
are you missing out on 'that bond'?
was that little bit of extra money worth it?

im so unsure. to make things easier for the family i want to go back, but the thought of leaving him does hurt....

my son cohen is ten weeks old..........and my sex drive is zero. literally zero.

i have no interest. and when we try it actually hurts which i dont understand coz i shouldnt be 'damaged' since i had a c-section.

its starting to put a strain on my relationship with my fiance. anyone else had this? how long did it take to get better? any tips?

are many mothers in here breastfeeding?

how are you finding watching what your eating in relation to your milk supply? it seems like the less i eat is the less milk there is (i express milk a lot). has anyone else found this and how are you combating it? or are you just doing loads of exercise to cancel out some of the food?

Name: Debbie
Age: 21
Height: 167cm
Children: one - cohen is eight weeks old
Weight before pregnancy: 154
Weight after pregnancy: 209
Weight goal: 143
size before pregancy: 10-12 nz
size after pregnancy: 16-18 nz
size you want to be: 10
What area of your body, do you want to loose the most weight: my tummy and arms
Why that area: my tummy is still flabby (obviously) and because i had a c-section it hangs over my scar. and arms because they got big too
Favorite fatty food(s): pasta
Favorite healthy food(s): fruit

i dont have any pictures of me on the computer

today is my twenty first birthday.

i am twenty one. officially considered an adult by old people's standards :)

ben's parents gave me a big bunch of flowers and a hundred dollars, ben's grandma also gave me a hundred dollars.

and ben bought me the most beautiful necklace and is taking me out to dinner tonight.

and i have a beautiful son (who is screaming right now - but i spose that's part of it)

i love my life.

so after a lot of reflection i decided that ending my journal as 'buggalugs' was the best idea. however, i do find keeping a journal very interesting and soothing and i dont just want to give that up. so i decided to start a new journal.

for reasons that i stated in 'buggalugs' i will no longer be updating that journal. however, i have added my friends from my old journal to this one, in the hope that they will add me back.

i did a lot of thinking over the weekend about how i wanted to cut a lot of people out of my life altogether. i was wrong. that post was written in haste, when i was really angry and as ali pointed out, its not fair. i hope that everyone understands and adds me back.